Jessie_D_Wheelie (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jessiedwheelie) wrote,@ 2006-11-12 12:16:00 |
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Bride of Christ
Last night was 'date night' with my Aunt Andrea. After playing phone tag (badly) for the better part of 6 months, she finally left a full-on invitation to come over to her place whereupon she would cook dinner and perhaps we could 'see a film'.
Commence family guilt pangs. We live in the same city. In fact, we live about 15 minutes away from each other. She's perfectly harmless (I think),but she's pretty much batshit crazy. I accepted, thinking "Get in, get out, get gone". Oh ho. How wrong I was.
I went over there for 5pm last night, hoping dinner would be ready to go, we'd eat, we'd head to a movie, we'd part ways, and I'd be home and ready to get some work done by 10pm. Or at least go to bed so I could get up and get some work done. Or update my livejournal. Whatever.
But this was not to be the case! Dinner had not been started, which, whatever, no big deal. Or so I thought. My aunt has lived in the same ground floor bachelor apartment for approximately 20 years. I know now how she has kept her slim figure all her life. Her apartment is a fucking heat box. Bickram Apartment! Because I am always ALWAYS cold, I had a tank top/undershirt underneath my big sweater and a coat over that when I arrived. Coat goes instantly. Then the dilemma: I had not planned for the occasion that I might have to remove my sweater, thus was wearing a completely inappropriate bra with my white undershirt. Think like, red, black, lace bits....oh god. My aunt, I'm pretty sure, is completely celibate and has been for a number of years. Even if she were to get a man into her apartment, I think it is safe to say he would see her massive collection of religious idolatry and paraphenalia (complete with Pope picture and prominently placed rosary) and he would be running for the hills. For a long time I entertained the notion that she was a closet lesbian, but later discussion that night proved me wrong. But I digress: It was SO DAMN HOT in that apartment that I was dieing. I HAD to take off the sweater, but I was just waiting for some sort of crazy fire/brimstone "HARLOT!" call to come from my aunt....but nothing.So far so good in the Bickram Apartment of Religious Idolatry. DInner was an amusing affair of my aunt being weirdly flustered the whole time and apologizing for everything. I imagine that I was probably her first house guest in a while. We talked about her cat who's death she still mourns 6 years later. We talked about my grandma ( her mother) who's death she definitely still mourns. We a.........................I'm falling asleep. Entry truncated.
Entry continued! It's now 10pm and I appear to be hitting my stride. What the HELL has happened to my body clock? I stay up late, I sleep in...this is bullshit. I need to start training again if only to give me regular hours. Anyways, I digress:
We were eating dinner and I noticed that it was getting on. I thought "Sweeeeeet...I'll get out of here EXTRA early now!" but no. Oh no. Auntie was all over hitting up the late show. Since when did my spinster aunt start staying up past 9pm? This is the same aunt that, I kid you not, goes to bed for THREE DAYS at a time if she 'feels a cold coming on'. Her employer must hate her. Obviously I had to say yes. If she was up for it how could I be all "Oh....I've got a reaaaallly early day tomorrow" especially after I talked all about how I was just doing school work all weekend. Arg!
I'm not sure at what point it came up, but somehow we got talking about how she refrained from taking her Gr.8 art class to the Art Gallery because there was a picture on the 2nd floor of two 'homosexuals'. Apparently the artist "used two bunnies in his painting to lure the viewer in before you noticed the two men". Hello Crazy Aunt Andrea. I knew she had to show up for reals at some point! I really didn't want to get involved in this, what with the Pope watching me from at least 4 different vantage points in the apartment, but I kind of gently said something like "I think that most Gr.8's know what a gay dude is...." at which point the Aunt got all flustered and I let it drop.
Off we went to the movie The Prestige. I didn't know anything about this movie going into it and all I really have to say is HOLY HOTNESS HUGH JACKMAN. That man looks so good it's got to be a sin. While waiting for the movie to start, somehow Aunt Andrea and I got talking about politcal correctness in schools and before I knew what was really going on, we were totally having a giant debate and my Aunt was getting all loud! It was......totally weird! Then I remembered that I more or less go to school to debate that exact subject (institutionalized removal of various 'hot subjects' that unfortunately generally comprise a large portion of someone's identity ie. religion) and said as much, if only to spare the poor people around us. Nothing like going to the movies with your 50-something Aunt and having her more or less shout out "YOU SHOULD SEE THE SCHOOLS IN FRANCE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY DO THERE! NO IDEA!"
AahhhhhhhhhHHHH! I was all about kids being able to wear crosses, yamukahs, read the Koran on break etc. which I guess is really not Kosher (no pun intended) in Pub. schools anymore. Who knew? I hate political correctness. Whitewash everything so no one is offended EVER EVER EVER! I'm not even religious! I'm a happily lapsed Catholic! I reserve the right to mock 'my' religion and perhaps go to church on Christmas and Easter (ok FINE only Christmas), but I could care less about doctrines and prayers and while I think I believe in some Great Organizing Principle, I would hardly call it 'God'.
Which was the totally weird part, because here you have the agnostic fighting for the kids' right to express the religosity and the crazy Uber Catholic trying to explain to me why wearing her gold cross necklace to school would be 'exclusionary'. Bah. Whatever.
In the end, the movie was long, Christian Bale used to be totally hot but he always plays such weird characters, David Bowie! shows up, I get sent home (late!) with cinnamon buns, and Aunt Andrea and I will do this all again next year. Same Pope time. Same Pope channel.
Last night was 'date night' with my Aunt Andrea. After playing phone tag (badly) for the better part of 6 months, she finally left a full-on invitation to come over to her place whereupon she would cook dinner and perhaps we could 'see a film'.
Commence family guilt pangs. We live in the same city. In fact, we live about 15 minutes away from each other. She's perfectly harmless (I think),but she's pretty much batshit crazy. I accepted, thinking "Get in, get out, get gone". Oh ho. How wrong I was.
I went over there for 5pm last night, hoping dinner would be ready to go, we'd eat, we'd head to a movie, we'd part ways, and I'd be home and ready to get some work done by 10pm. Or at least go to bed so I could get up and get some work done. Or update my livejournal. Whatever.
But this was not to be the case! Dinner had not been started, which, whatever, no big deal. Or so I thought. My aunt has lived in the same ground floor bachelor apartment for approximately 20 years. I know now how she has kept her slim figure all her life. Her apartment is a fucking heat box. Bickram Apartment! Because I am always ALWAYS cold, I had a tank top/undershirt underneath my big sweater and a coat over that when I arrived. Coat goes instantly. Then the dilemma: I had not planned for the occasion that I might have to remove my sweater, thus was wearing a completely inappropriate bra with my white undershirt. Think like, red, black, lace bits....oh god. My aunt, I'm pretty sure, is completely celibate and has been for a number of years. Even if she were to get a man into her apartment, I think it is safe to say he would see her massive collection of religious idolatry and paraphenalia (complete with Pope picture and prominently placed rosary) and he would be running for the hills. For a long time I entertained the notion that she was a closet lesbian, but later discussion that night proved me wrong. But I digress: It was SO DAMN HOT in that apartment that I was dieing. I HAD to take off the sweater, but I was just waiting for some sort of crazy fire/brimstone "HARLOT!" call to come from my aunt....but nothing.So far so good in the Bickram Apartment of Religious Idolatry. DInner was an amusing affair of my aunt being weirdly flustered the whole time and apologizing for everything. I imagine that I was probably her first house guest in a while. We talked about her cat who's death she still mourns 6 years later. We talked about my grandma ( her mother) who's death she definitely still mourns. We a.........................I'm falling asleep. Entry truncated.
Entry continued! It's now 10pm and I appear to be hitting my stride. What the HELL has happened to my body clock? I stay up late, I sleep in...this is bullshit. I need to start training again if only to give me regular hours. Anyways, I digress:
We were eating dinner and I noticed that it was getting on. I thought "Sweeeeeet...I'll get out of here EXTRA early now!" but no. Oh no. Auntie was all over hitting up the late show. Since when did my spinster aunt start staying up past 9pm? This is the same aunt that, I kid you not, goes to bed for THREE DAYS at a time if she 'feels a cold coming on'. Her employer must hate her. Obviously I had to say yes. If she was up for it how could I be all "Oh....I've got a reaaaallly early day tomorrow" especially after I talked all about how I was just doing school work all weekend. Arg!
I'm not sure at what point it came up, but somehow we got talking about how she refrained from taking her Gr.8 art class to the Art Gallery because there was a picture on the 2nd floor of two 'homosexuals'. Apparently the artist "used two bunnies in his painting to lure the viewer in before you noticed the two men". Hello Crazy Aunt Andrea. I knew she had to show up for reals at some point! I really didn't want to get involved in this, what with the Pope watching me from at least 4 different vantage points in the apartment, but I kind of gently said something like "I think that most Gr.8's know what a gay dude is...." at which point the Aunt got all flustered and I let it drop.
Off we went to the movie The Prestige. I didn't know anything about this movie going into it and all I really have to say is HOLY HOTNESS HUGH JACKMAN. That man looks so good it's got to be a sin. While waiting for the movie to start, somehow Aunt Andrea and I got talking about politcal correctness in schools and before I knew what was really going on, we were totally having a giant debate and my Aunt was getting all loud! It was......totally weird! Then I remembered that I more or less go to school to debate that exact subject (institutionalized removal of various 'hot subjects' that unfortunately generally comprise a large portion of someone's identity ie. religion) and said as much, if only to spare the poor people around us. Nothing like going to the movies with your 50-something Aunt and having her more or less shout out "YOU SHOULD SEE THE SCHOOLS IN FRANCE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY DO THERE! NO IDEA!"
AahhhhhhhhhHHHH! I was all about kids being able to wear crosses, yamukahs, read the Koran on break etc. which I guess is really not Kosher (no pun intended) in Pub. schools anymore. Who knew? I hate political correctness. Whitewash everything so no one is offended EVER EVER EVER! I'm not even religious! I'm a happily lapsed Catholic! I reserve the right to mock 'my' religion and perhaps go to church on Christmas and Easter (ok FINE only Christmas), but I could care less about doctrines and prayers and while I think I believe in some Great Organizing Principle, I would hardly call it 'God'.
Which was the totally weird part, because here you have the agnostic fighting for the kids' right to express the religosity and the crazy Uber Catholic trying to explain to me why wearing her gold cross necklace to school would be 'exclusionary'. Bah. Whatever.
In the end, the movie was long, Christian Bale used to be totally hot but he always plays such weird characters, David Bowie! shows up, I get sent home (late!) with cinnamon buns, and Aunt Andrea and I will do this all again next year. Same Pope time. Same Pope channel.
